The Phone Stalker
I'm sure you've heard of stalking. While you most often hear about it in the press regarding beautiful people, and even David Letterman, it happens to regular folks too. Not that I'm regular. For the record, I AM A GODDESS! In fact I look a lot like Catherine Zeta-Jones, but you have to squint your eyes real hard and tilt your head kinda sideways to see it.
Some of you might be skeptical and think that I was being overly optimistic in hoping for winks or emails within the first 24 hours of posting my hot little profile...and some of you might be right. But those of you like me, with faith and hope in your heart and just a little bit too much wine in your brain, are certain that my profile would bring men flocking like birds that flock. How could they not be impressed? Imagine it, there they were in front of nameyourdatingsite.com (with squinty eyes and head tilted kinda sideways) when suddenly they spied Catherine Zeta-Jones! Of course they were excited, therefore electronic winking and emailing commenced.
For those of you who have experienced online dating, I won't embarrass you by telling you just how many dozen responses I got that first day. I wouldn't want you to feel bad by comparing yourself to wonderful me. But I will say that 2 of the men were "throw-backs" right away - no picture! Can you imagine?...NO PICTURE!?! HUMPH! So I went on to the last response and spied a picture of a nice looking man. He was clean cut and had a nice smile, maybe a few pounds beyond svelte, but remember I am overweight and undertall myself - kind of like Catherine Zeta-Jones during her pregnancies except I'm not carrying a baby on board. I clicked on his profile to see what he had to say about himself. Lo and behold, this man graduated from the same High School as me, and only 1 year ahead of me!
"PSHAW!" I thought. "How could this be…seriously, what ARE the odds?"
I looked at his name again, Bullwinkle McAdams. Bullwinkle McAdams? I don't remember him - but then again, Harrybauls High School was an exceptionally large school.
I dashed down the hall and dug through a scary maze of boxes, (keep in mind the "Suddenly" part of my nickname, Suddenly Single). Eventually I unearthed the two annuals I possess in which Bullwinkle might appear. Madly, I flipped to the "McA" section (tabbed like the Bible for easy access). I saw a very cute and trim young man grinning back at me. I open the other book and located his picture by the same process. Looking back and forth between the computer and the two books I saw that it is definitely the same person, although the years have added a great deal of padding. (I know what you're thinking - can it!)
Unsure as to whether or not I'd like to date the man, there seemed to be some merit in at least touching base with an old High School alumni-type person. It’s not every day that you run into a Harrybauls High School Hamster on the Internet, you know! No harm, no foul, right? Uh...yeah...right!
I fired up my trusty email utility (no, sorry geeks, I'm not gonna tell you what kind - you're gonna have to fantasize). Fingers tripping lightly on the keyboard, I dashed off a quick missive, something to the point of, "Hey fellow Hamster! I noticed we graduated only a year apart. Let me know if you'd like to meet up sometime. Blah, blah, blah..." Yeah, I know, it was wit personified!
Needless to say, he wrote me back. I didn't know it at the time, but the lightening speed at which he replied was a tip-off to the dark side of the former Hamster. I understand that sometimes you luck out catching people online. However, it was 3:46am. Yes, I'm aware that I too was awake at this ungodly hour. But pre-dawn-cracking instantaneous replies that in retrospect sound like a guy hopped up on too many lattes don't exactly bode well in an online dating world. He suggested I call him the following evening after 7:00pm and left his home number.
Wanting to appear punctual, and yet not overeager, I placed my call at 7:20pm.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
Some of you might be skeptical and think that I was being overly optimistic in hoping for winks or emails within the first 24 hours of posting my hot little profile...and some of you might be right. But those of you like me, with faith and hope in your heart and just a little bit too much wine in your brain, are certain that my profile would bring men flocking like birds that flock. How could they not be impressed? Imagine it, there they were in front of nameyourdatingsite.com (with squinty eyes and head tilted kinda sideways) when suddenly they spied Catherine Zeta-Jones! Of course they were excited, therefore electronic winking and emailing commenced.
For those of you who have experienced online dating, I won't embarrass you by telling you just how many dozen responses I got that first day. I wouldn't want you to feel bad by comparing yourself to wonderful me. But I will say that 2 of the men were "throw-backs" right away - no picture! Can you imagine?...NO PICTURE!?! HUMPH! So I went on to the last response and spied a picture of a nice looking man. He was clean cut and had a nice smile, maybe a few pounds beyond svelte, but remember I am overweight and undertall myself - kind of like Catherine Zeta-Jones during her pregnancies except I'm not carrying a baby on board. I clicked on his profile to see what he had to say about himself. Lo and behold, this man graduated from the same High School as me, and only 1 year ahead of me!
"PSHAW!" I thought. "How could this be…seriously, what ARE the odds?"
I looked at his name again, Bullwinkle McAdams. Bullwinkle McAdams? I don't remember him - but then again, Harrybauls High School was an exceptionally large school.
I dashed down the hall and dug through a scary maze of boxes, (keep in mind the "Suddenly" part of my nickname, Suddenly Single). Eventually I unearthed the two annuals I possess in which Bullwinkle might appear. Madly, I flipped to the "McA" section (tabbed like the Bible for easy access). I saw a very cute and trim young man grinning back at me. I open the other book and located his picture by the same process. Looking back and forth between the computer and the two books I saw that it is definitely the same person, although the years have added a great deal of padding. (I know what you're thinking - can it!)
Unsure as to whether or not I'd like to date the man, there seemed to be some merit in at least touching base with an old High School alumni-type person. It’s not every day that you run into a Harrybauls High School Hamster on the Internet, you know! No harm, no foul, right? Uh...yeah...right!
I fired up my trusty email utility (no, sorry geeks, I'm not gonna tell you what kind - you're gonna have to fantasize). Fingers tripping lightly on the keyboard, I dashed off a quick missive, something to the point of, "Hey fellow Hamster! I noticed we graduated only a year apart. Let me know if you'd like to meet up sometime. Blah, blah, blah..." Yeah, I know, it was wit personified!
Needless to say, he wrote me back. I didn't know it at the time, but the lightening speed at which he replied was a tip-off to the dark side of the former Hamster. I understand that sometimes you luck out catching people online. However, it was 3:46am. Yes, I'm aware that I too was awake at this ungodly hour. But pre-dawn-cracking instantaneous replies that in retrospect sound like a guy hopped up on too many lattes don't exactly bode well in an online dating world. He suggested I call him the following evening after 7:00pm and left his home number.
Wanting to appear punctual, and yet not overeager, I placed my call at 7:20pm.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
posted by Suddenly Single at 10:09 PM
2 Comments:
Sorry - the holidays had me scramblin' I hope you check back soon. I'm writing the exciting conculsion now!
...and in case you are wondering, a conculsion is similar to a conclusion...just more confusing! HA! :)
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